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STATS & MEASUREMENTS

Height: 5 ft 3

Ethnicity: Eurasian (Dutch, Thai & Japanese)

Hair: Black

Eyes: Brown

Dress: 12/14US (18UK)

Shoe: 8US

Bust: 34GG/H (UK)

Waist: 32’’

Hips: 42’’

International plus size model, alternative muse, survivor and body positive spokesperson...These are just a few words to sum up Kerosene Deluxe.

The forever evolving Kerosene is a chameleon of the alternative, and someone that will never be labelled or limited by someone else’s imagination. This is the story of Kerosene thus far, and how a self-proclaimed monster movie geek went on a mission to promote beauty through diversity.

Kerosene didn’t set out originally to become the established model she is today. She overcame many obstacles throughout her childhood and began her journey studying cosmetology and make-up artistry, an academic choice that would blend seamlessly with a career in front of the camera.

Her taste for the alternative had her sneaking into Goth, Punk Rock and Fetish nights at a young age. It was while at one such event in 2002 that Kerosene was discovered by a local photographer, who invited her to take part in a photo shoot.

Her first ventures into modelling were very indulgent. She was able to express herself and revel in creating photo’s inspired by her love of Vaudeville, Film Noir, and most notably Horror. Kerosene’s love of Horror movies encouraged her early work, creating themed shoots based on B-Movie and Hammer Horror.

With growing self confidence grew came another metamorphosis, and a progression from horror to pin-up, glamour, beauty and fashion. From there her career gathered pace. Through tireless networking at events and conventions she started modelling further afield, working across the globe on international projects in many different mediums.

She has featured in numerous magazines, both in feature articles and full cover shoots as well as runway fashion shows for many independent designers.

Her film and TV career has involved working with studios and personalities in many different cultures, and ranges from talk shows to music videos.  In 2013 she was approached by filmmaker and director Giovanna Morales Vargas and James Earl O'Brien and was cast as one of the main model's in the award winning documentary 'A Perfect 14'.

Kerosene has taken it upon herself to promote beauty through diversity. With firm belief she urges people of all shapes, sizes, ages, abilities, sexual orientations and gender identities to love themselves for who they are, and not be imprisoned by other people’s ideas of beauty.

Being a plus size woman and survivor of child abuse and sexual assault Kerosene has relished in the opportunity to shed a light on often ignored body issues, she has campaigned for people to feel empowered and beautiful.  

This cause is one dear to her heart, as she herself had to fight to reclaim her sensuality and self confidence in the world full of stigma and false patriarchal ideals.

Kerosene’s story so far has been filled with the character, determination and unapologetic passion she brings to everything. She has started the modelling career no one thought she could have and was often mocked for, campaigned for self love and human rights, traveled the world, mentored models starting out in the business and fostered strong backgrounds as a make-up artist, creative director and life coach.

She currently resides in beautiful British Columbia, Canada.

Surviving and Thriving.....(CW: Sexual abuse)

People often ask what 'body positivity' means to me and the answer has simply always been 'self love', not just for yourself but towards others as well. It is about self acceptance and respect regardless of your shape, size, age,  sexuality, background, ethnicity, physical abilities or gender (or gender identity) It is about lifting each other up and never shaming another in order to validate oneself. That to me, has always been the definition of body positivity.

We all know that finding confidence can be a rough road sometimes; It is safe to say that most people have something they dislike about their bodies. It's been very important to me to talk to people about acceptance and love and help them discover that they are MORE than just their appearance or a number on the scale.

A lot of people prior to hearing my story have this pre-conceived idea of who I am and are often surprised to find out that my upbringing was not all that rosy. I did not grow up with any special privileges and came from a broken home in the north of Amsterdam, The Netherlands, with an unstable mother whom was physically and emotionally abusive.  My parents split up when I was around 5 and I spent my childhood moving back and forth between my grandparents and mother. At the age of 5 I was molested by a close friend of my mother, a person she considered like a 'brother' and had I to call 'uncle'. The abuse went on for 2 years and I was manipulated into silence and shame and struggled with this well into my late teens.

My grandparents were my saving grace and they eventually gained full custody over me when I was about 10. I broke off all contact with my mother a few years later and haven't seen or spoken to her since. Though I struggle with feelings of guilt initially am so thankful to have given myself this freedom. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is cut toxic people out of your life, especially if they happen to be family.   

High School was another very difficult time for me..I was bullied severely and often ate lunch in the bathroom stalls to avoid confrontation. I was extremely desperate as a child to make friends. In my despair I'd often try to 'buy' friendship by giving stuff to other kids in the hopes that they would befriend me...Of course I'd only end up being used and made fun of even more. When I was 14 I was overpowered by 3 older boys in the same bathroom that provided me with my 'hide-out' and sexually assaulted.

I remember the jokes very clearly on how I wouldn’t be fat anymore once they were done with me and how they needed a bag to cover my ugly face.

I ended up dropping out of high school and struggled with PTSD, anxiety and depression. I still battle depression to this day but have come to terms with it to the point where it does not control my life, I always say I don’t fight with my demons anymore, we hang out and we’re cool, like semi-dysfunctional roommates..Mental health is still such a stigmatized subject, I truly believe representation is key which is why I’m so open and happy to discuss it. The thing I have come to learn the most is that it's OKAY to not be okay sometimes.

I became a lover of art in my mid teens and became immersed in painting, sketching and writing. I was a daydreamer and loved anything creative (and still do!) I started working at a local hair salon as an assistant at the age of 15 and attended Cosmetology school to become a make up artist.

I've always been fascinated by make-up and cosmetics growing up and was (and still am) heavily influenced by Film Noir, B- Movies, Vaudeville, Comics and Gothic Novels.  

I began doing make up for photo shoots and started experimenting with photo shoots myself at the age of 15 as a way of self-expression and rebellion. These shoots were gore filled horror tributes with not an ounce of glamour in sight. I was not ready for glamour. I wanted to shock and create characters as far from my own persona as possible, to escape.

At the age of 17 I found myself ready to actually escape, I packed up my bags, bought a 1 way ticket to London, England and never looked back..

I felt like I had just given myself a fresh start to live by my own rules . I continued modeling and slowly started my horror to glamour transition and began to feel its liberating effects. To feel in control of my sexuality and sensuality was something special and new to me….I looked up to strong female icons such as Mae West, Maila Nurmi, Eartha Kitt and Marlene Dietrich to find my inner diva as well as revolutionary dames such as Emma Goldman, Gloria Steinem,  Audre Lorde and Maya Angelou.

Ladies whom were apologetically themselves .

As my confidence and business grew so did the criticism and the hate mail. There were times where I found myself in tears because of some stranger’s words. I would later learn that no matter how perfect, beautiful or popular you are there will always be someone out there who will hate you for it and started to live by the motto ‘what other people think of you is none of your business’

With time my modeling transitioned more and more into a message of self-love and acceptance. I came to understand that happy, confident people do not bully others which helped me see these people in a different light and let go of any malevolence I was feeling towards them. See the thing is, there is nothing wrong with you or your body. Our looks do not define who we are. We are not a ‘before and after picture’, we would not be more beautiful if we lost some weight or ‘ate a cheeseburger’. We are big, small, tall, short, lean, curvy, athletic, femme, androgynous and whatever else we identify as. And that’s pretty magical.

We are all real, unique and perfect in our own ways. Don’t let the pressure of society cause a divide between our unity. Our lives are not a beauty pageant and there are infinite ways to be beautiful.

Your body and health are no one’s business but your own. Live by your own rules and do what makes you happy. Stop scrutinizing every inch of your body and start appreciating yourself as a whole human being from the inside and out. Don’t discredit yourself by thinking that your appearance is your only worth.

Find the things you love about yourself as a person first and celebrate the wonderful being you are because you cannot measure your spirit, heart and soul on a scale.

Much love,

K.D